Bullying

Bullying Links:

www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov
www.mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/15plus/aboutbullying.asp
www.Bullybeware.com
www.bullying.org
www.safeyouth.org
www.cfchildren.org
www.4girls.gov/bullying
www.bullyonline.org

Bullying Myths and Facts:

Myth: "Bullying is just a stage, a normal part of life."
FACT: Bullying is not "normal" or socially acceptable behavior. We give bullies power by acceptance of their behavior.

Myth: "If I tell someone, it will just make it worse."
FACT: Research shows that bullying will stop when adults in authority and peers get involved.

Myth: "Just stand up for yourself and hit them back."
FACT: While there are some times when people can be forced to defend themselves, hitting back usually makes the bullying worse and increases the risk for serious physical harm.

Myth: "Bullying is a school problem, the teachers should handle it."
FACT: Bullying is a broader social problem that often happens outside of school, on the street, at shopping centers, summer camp and in the adult workplace.

Bullying Basics:

Bullying happens in many different forms. Some kinds of bullying are:

• Physical - punching, shoving and other act that hurt people physically
• Verbal - verbal taunts, name-calling and put-downs, spreading bad rumors about people
• Social - keeping certain people out of a group or game on purpose
• Extortion - stealing of money and possessions
• Cyberbullying - sending a mean text, e-mail, or instant message; posting nasty pictures or messages about others in web blogs or web pages; using someone else’s user name to spread rumors or lies about someone
  

Generally, bullying is when one or more persons repeatedly say or do hurtful things to another person who has problems defending him/herself. Direct bullying usually involves hitting, kicking, or making insults, offensive and sneering comments, or threats.

Repeatedly teasing someone who clearly shows signs of distress is also recognized as bullying. However, indirect bullying—the experience of being excluded from a group of friends, being spoken ill of and being prevented from making friends—can be just as painful.

Most bullying takes place at the same grade level. However, many times older students bully younger students. Although direct bullying is a greater problem among boys, a good deal of bullying takes place among girls. Bullying between girls, however, involves less physical violence and can be more difficult to discover. Girls tend to use indirect and subtle methods of bullying, such as exclusion from a group of friends, backbiting, and manipulation of friendships. Far more boys than girls bully, and many girls are mostly bullied by boys, but both can be victims of bullying.

What to Do if Your Child is Being Bullied:

Children frequently do not tell their parents that they are being bullied because they are embarrassed, ashamed, or frightened of the children who are bullying them. If your child tells you about being bullied, it has taken a lot of courage to do so. Your child needs your help to stop the bullying. It is also important to respond in a positive and accepting manner. Let your child know it’s not his or her fault, and that he or she did the right thing by telling you.

• Never tell your child to ignore the bullying.
• Don’t blame the child who is being bullied.
• Keep your emotions in check. Get factual information about your child’s experience of being bullied including who, what, when, where and how. Listen carefully to what your child tells you about the bullying. Ask your child to name other children or adults who may have witnessed the bullying.
• Empathize with your child. Tell him/her that bullying is wrong, not their fault, and that you are glad he or she had the courage to tell you about it. Ask your child what he or she thinks can be done to help. Assure him or her that you will think about what needs to be done and your will let him or her know what you are going to do.
• Don’t encourage your child to fight back. Instead, suggest that or she try walking away to avoid the bully, or that they seek help from a teacher, coach or other adult.
• Help your child practice being assertive. The simple act of insisting that the bully leave him alone may have a surprising effect. Explain to your child that the bully’s true goal is to get a response.
• Teach your child safety strategies. Teach him or her how to seek help when feeling threatened by a bully. Talk about who he or she should go to for help and role-play what he or she should say. Assure your child that reporting bullying is not the same thing as tattling.
• Parents are often reluctant to report bullying to school officials, but bullying may not stop without the help of adults. Emphasize that you want to work with the staff at school to find a solution to stop the bullying, for your child and for the sake of other children. Expect the bullying to stop. Talk regularly with your child and the school staff to see whether the bullying has stopped. If the bullying persists, contact school officials again.

What to Do if Your Child is Bullying Others:

Take the problem seriously. Children and youth who bully others often get into serious trouble in later life, and may receive criminal convictions. They may have serious trouble in their relationships with others. Here are some things you can do to turn the situation around:

• Make it clear to your child that you take bullying seriously and that you will not tolerate this behavior.
• Discuss with your child the negative impact bullying has on the victims. Do not accept explanations that "it was all in fun".
• Increase your supervision of your child’s activities and whereabouts, and who they are associating with. Spend time with your child, and set reasonable rules for their activities and curfews.
• Develop clear and consistent rules with your family for your child’s behavior. Praise the efforts your child makes toward non-violent and responsible behavior, as well as for following home and school rules. Use non-physical, non hostile consequences for rule violations.
• Cooperate with the school in modifying your child’s aggressive behavior. Frequent communication with teachers and/or administrators is important to find out how your child is doing in changing his or her behavior.
• If your child is viewing violent television shows, including cartoons, and is playing violent video games, this will increase violent and aggressive behavior. Change your family and child's viewing habits and play patterns to non-violent ones.
• Seek help from a school psychologist, social worker or children’s mental health center if you would like support in working with your child.